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I just looked at the time and its 2am. Holy hell, I spent most of my day working on setting up a new blog at thirdseal.com. you can check it out at http://thirdseal.blogspot.com I was trying to use a simple black and white template from either word press or blogger. Believe it or not something so simple ended up taking a hell of a lot longer than I thought it would. Anyway, just check it out. I decided to use blogger for now because I couldn't edit the template with wordpress unless I paid for it. With blogger I could atleast edit it a little bit.
This is an entry in my journal from earlier today:
I haven't written in here for a while. Ever since I've been done with school I've had to work more so less time for me to get things done. I feel somewhat overwhelmed. I didn't expect to be so chaotic (work). Dale and I aren't really getting along. I get tired of him ragging on me and calling me stupid.. or at least acting like I'm stupid. (we kind of had an argument about it recently and we haven't been talking much about it since; I'm through with trying to be someone's friend if they talk down to me.) My boss wants me to get an MCSE certification by October 1. That's Huge; and with regular work continuing to pile up I know how I'm going to get that done. Luck maybe..
I don't want to sound like a whiny bitch all the time. Like my life is so horrible; there are plenty of people that are worse off then I am but I need to get it out.
Shannon broke up with me today. She said she needed some time. Like all we had left to do as a couple was get married. (It's kinda complicated to talk about or to write everything out as to what she was feeling) I hadn't really planned it out. I'm the kind of person that lives moment to moment anyway. I wanted to give it a shot and see if we worked as a normal couple. Not this long distance deal but just be normal for once. We have a lot of history between us.(and I mean A LOT) We have matching tattoos for Christ's sake. (what to do about that now) Under this book is a collage of pictures of me and her. I just have a lot of constant reminders of her and I or us..
I care about her a lot. But this isn't the first time this has happened. Or well this isn't the first time she's done this to me. I've lost count its happened so many times. It seemed like our relationship had become routine. I guess so. I just wish she could waited another month and a half to really give us a chance.
Strangely it doesn't hurt as much this time. I was totally surprised by it' I didn't expect it to happen. I guess after going through this so many times with the same person you get used to it. I'm used to getting heart broken?
I've been thinking about it a lot since about 3pm (that's when I got the call). It sucks.. It really does I'm not going to worry myself over it. It's not worth it.
I'm done with this stuff. I've let it happen to many times. I can't keep doing it this way. It's not fair to me. I'm not perfect nobody is but I don't deserve this over and over and over again. Not from the same girl.
The big question always is will you take her back?
When stuff like this happens for some reason I think in extremes. Like I should do this now or do that. I'll see how this plays out.
The good thing is HIM is playing Denver @ the ogden on 10.19.05. I am going to go! This time I have to. I missed cky, clucth and some other good shows this summer. I'm going to try and get my ticket on pay day (Friday).
I still have my journal open in front of me but I wanted to put it on my page. For attention maybe? I dunno. Maybe it just helps me deal with it. Maybe I'll get an email out there from someone that is going through this and wants to share their story. I'm sorry if its kinda complacent or it doesn't make sense. I was just trying to write my thoughts down. I guess this might be the best way to deal with it. I'm going to go for now. I'll see if I can write anything else and if not I have to go to bed; I have a meeting in the morning at 7am. Thanks chuck.
I almost forgot to write about my tattoos. This is one thing I've been thinking about more and more lately. I have 3 as it is and I definitely want more. I realized after watching Miami Ink and finding out the representation of what a Koi fish means I really want to get one tattooed on me. I think I'll probably get it on my arm under the Tribal Sun I have. I also want to get a smiling Buddha on my leg, I think that would look good. I know Dave-O from crapville is tattooing now. I hope to get one from him someday. Someday when I make it to Miami and finally get to party with tony and dave-o and my little beatch Brandon.
::.comment: We never know exactly what obstacles life is going to place before us as we grow and learn. What matters is how WE grow and learn from overcoming those obstacles!!
::.comment: no offense mate but id remove shannon from loves
-Anonymous : 13/9/05 11:10 PM
::.comment: Tanner man you are a better person then she is. You stayed true and I never heard anything negative towards her. You always were really loving and caring to her. The way I see it at least you find out the way she is now rather then later. There are alot of better fish in the sea! Its time to move away from thoughtless cold hearted bitches and move up to someone who treats you like you deserve to be treated.
::.comment: i'm sorry to hear about you and your girlfriend...that sucks, but it sounds like you have a lot going on for yourself right now to distract you at least, and you're still young, so have fun:) oh, and Anonymous, your comment is absolutely brilliant-did you lose many brain cells comin' up with ALL that? retard...
-jamey : 16/9/05 6:51 PM
::.comment: You should ask yourself that question anonymous because that is a good question! Why are you such a faggot? Why do you come to this site only to talk shit? Does your vagina hurt? Maybe you should get a life outside of the intarweb you fucking pussy.
I'm on hold with Dell right now. It always takes so long to get through to these fuckers. First, you have to go through there automated voice teleprompting shit and half the time it doesn't understand what you're saying so you're dicking around for half an hour on the phone trying to get it to recognize the word "Representative". Then you get put on hold and half to listen to 80's music. Right now it's Annie Lennox – Sweet Dreams. I've been on hold now for 22 minutes. That's insane. We'll see how long it is by the time I'm done writing this.
I said I was going to write in my journal yesterday but I didn't get a chance. It takes longer and I type a lot faster. I think I want to write some stories in there too. I was thinking of something but it was inspired by the new movie coming out V for Vendetta. It looks pretty intense.
Today was my last day at school. Well until I have to go graduate or something. I'm not looking forward to graduation so much. I just want to get my diploma and go and be done with it. So I finished up my portfolio and handed it in. It's in a word document now but I think I'm making my tannermatthews.com domain into my online portfolio. I have most of the writing done but I have to come up with a design. I think I'm going to do a basic white and black so it's fairly business like and professional.
I finally got my free Adio DVD today. Bastards took 2 months and it said it was going to be 4 weeks. I sent them an email just yesterday asking where my DVD was and I got it today. How ironic.
I also received a birthday card in the mail today. Thanks Nannaw. I hope she never sees my site but thanks. I thought everyone had forgotten. My girlfriend gave me stuff when she was out here. My dad and mom just got me a DVD burner. That's pretty sweet. It's a DVD-RW/CD-RW so it's a dual drives. I'm into it.
I just got done uploading radio bam so that should be available now. Aussie didn't have it up until about 11 PM MST. And I was watching Ultimate Fighter 2 anyway so fuck off.
It's only at 28 minutes on hold now. It usually takes me a hella long time to write a post but with this blogger for word it's so quick. Man I like this. When I get more time I'll start uploading some stuff for everyone to see. I'm finally done school so I'll have a little more free time.
::.comment: whats up tanner. sites looking good man. i dont have access to IM from work and i dont have internet at home right now so thought id just say whats up. KEEP METAL ALLLLLIIIIIIIIVVVVVVVEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!11111
-Sam : 31/8/05 6:18 PM
::.comment: Thanks sam, yeah when you get it back hit me up or find my phone # on my site :)
Damnit, I can't get my PDF converter to work. It keeps giving me an error that the printer could not convert to PDF when I try and convert a .doc file to a .PDF. Bastard thing is supposed to make my life easier, not more complicated. That's what the greatest thing about a computer is; it makes our lives easier. We depend on computers so much to do daily things. Hell, without a computer I wouldn't have a job. They sure can be a pain in the ass though.
I went and saw Red Eye this morning. I thought it was pretty good. I like Rachel McAdams though. She's a really good actress. She's convinced me of her character in every movie I've seen her in. She was in Wedding Crashers too and that movie is simply hilarious. Vince Vaughn and Owen Wilson are gold. I'd definitely get that on DVD. As for Red Eye I gave it a 4/5 because it had Rachel McAdams in it. Although it does take place in a plane for most of the movie it is still pretty entertaining. The movie is directed by Wes Craven, the master of terror. Well his recent movies have been anything but terrifying. This is a quality movie though. I'd watch it again. He chose a good cast with Rachel McAdams and Cillian Murphy (Scarecrow - Batman Begins).
I'm working on my portfolio for school. This is the last thing I have to turn in for school. I'll definitely be glad when school's over. I'm tired of it. I want to learn more about graphic and web design but I don't know if I can take going back to school. Maybe I'll just try and get a job then buy books and learn on my own. That's how I've learned most of what I know now. Well and my present job at ViaSync.
ViaSync is going good. I'm learning a lot and it's not a bad place to work. Thing is they owe me money, and I have to pay for my Phone Bill. Damn that reminds me I should really check on that.
My dad got me a DVD burner for my birthday. So I finally got to burn Windows Vista onto a DVD. I'm going to install it then and see how it works out. I also have an All Adobe DVD ISO but it's too big to stick on the discs I have. I haven't had a chance to see if I could copy a movie yet, but I did get DVD X Copy Platinum. It took me so damn long to find that. But I finally did. That's what my Dad says he uses so we'll try it out. Being as how I have Netflix my media list could be growing soon.
I worked on the page a little bit today, you can check out the entity section. Maybe it'll help you better understand me and give you a little more insight as to who I am and what I do. It's not near finished yet but there's a little something up for you guys to check out.
For some odd reason I've been going to Borders and Barnes and Noble a lot lately. I've gotten Batman Begins, Constantine, and Sin City graphic novels within the last 2 weeks. I also bought a cool journal to write in. Speaking of that; I need to write in that. I'll do that tomorrow.
I'm working on adding a Trailers section and Tech Tools section to the downloads section of this site. So look for some of that in the future. I know a lot of people come here for the radio bam shows but check out the rest of the site too. There is more hear than just radio bam. I'm just saying check out some of the other shit here too.
I really should get back to doing my portfolio. When I have it done look for it on tannermatthews[dot]com.
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