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This is an entry in my journal from earlier today:
I haven't written in here for a while. Ever since I've been done with school I've had to work more so less time for me to get things done. I feel somewhat overwhelmed. I didn't expect to be so chaotic (work). Dale and I aren't really getting along. I get tired of him ragging on me and calling me stupid.. or at least acting like I'm stupid. (we kind of had an argument about it recently and we haven't been talking much about it since; I'm through with trying to be someone's friend if they talk down to me.) My boss wants me to get an MCSE certification by October 1. That's Huge; and with regular work continuing to pile up I know how I'm going to get that done. Luck maybe..
I don't want to sound like a whiny bitch all the time. Like my life is so horrible; there are plenty of people that are worse off then I am but I need to get it out.
Shannon broke up with me today. She said she needed some time. Like all we had left to do as a couple was get married. (It's kinda complicated to talk about or to write everything out as to what she was feeling) I hadn't really planned it out. I'm the kind of person that lives moment to moment anyway. I wanted to give it a shot and see if we worked as a normal couple. Not this long distance deal but just be normal for once. We have a lot of history between us.(and I mean A LOT) We have matching tattoos for Christ's sake. (what to do about that now) Under this book is a collage of pictures of me and her. I just have a lot of constant reminders of her and I or us..
I care about her a lot. But this isn't the first time this has happened. Or well this isn't the first time she's done this to me. I've lost count its happened so many times. It seemed like our relationship had become routine. I guess so. I just wish she could waited another month and a half to really give us a chance.
Strangely it doesn't hurt as much this time. I was totally surprised by it' I didn't expect it to happen. I guess after going through this so many times with the same person you get used to it. I'm used to getting heart broken?
I've been thinking about it a lot since about 3pm (that's when I got the call). It sucks.. It really does I'm not going to worry myself over it. It's not worth it.
I'm done with this stuff. I've let it happen to many times. I can't keep doing it this way. It's not fair to me. I'm not perfect nobody is but I don't deserve this over and over and over again. Not from the same girl.
The big question always is will you take her back?
When stuff like this happens for some reason I think in extremes. Like I should do this now or do that. I'll see how this plays out.
The good thing is HIM is playing Denver @ the ogden on 10.19.05. I am going to go! This time I have to. I missed cky, clucth and some other good shows this summer. I'm going to try and get my ticket on pay day (Friday).
I still have my journal open in front of me but I wanted to put it on my page. For attention maybe? I dunno. Maybe it just helps me deal with it. Maybe I'll get an email out there from someone that is going through this and wants to share their story. I'm sorry if its kinda complacent or it doesn't make sense. I was just trying to write my thoughts down. I guess this might be the best way to deal with it. I'm going to go for now. I'll see if I can write anything else and if not I have to go to bed; I have a meeting in the morning at 7am. Thanks chuck.
I almost forgot to write about my tattoos. This is one thing I've been thinking about more and more lately. I have 3 as it is and I definitely want more. I realized after watching Miami Ink and finding out the representation of what a Koi fish means I really want to get one tattooed on me. I think I'll probably get it on my arm under the Tribal Sun I have. I also want to get a smiling Buddha on my leg, I think that would look good. I know Dave-O from crapville is tattooing now. I hope to get one from him someday. Someday when I make it to Miami and finally get to party with tony and dave-o and my little beatch Brandon.
::.comment: We never know exactly what obstacles life is going to place before us as we grow and learn. What matters is how WE grow and learn from overcoming those obstacles!!
::.comment: no offense mate but id remove shannon from loves
-Anonymous : 13/9/05 11:10 PM
::.comment: Tanner man you are a better person then she is. You stayed true and I never heard anything negative towards her. You always were really loving and caring to her. The way I see it at least you find out the way she is now rather then later. There are alot of better fish in the sea! Its time to move away from thoughtless cold hearted bitches and move up to someone who treats you like you deserve to be treated.
::.comment: i'm sorry to hear about you and your girlfriend...that sucks, but it sounds like you have a lot going on for yourself right now to distract you at least, and you're still young, so have fun:) oh, and Anonymous, your comment is absolutely brilliant-did you lose many brain cells comin' up with ALL that? retard...
-jamey : 16/9/05 6:51 PM
::.comment: You should ask yourself that question anonymous because that is a good question! Why are you such a faggot? Why do you come to this site only to talk shit? Does your vagina hurt? Maybe you should get a life outside of the intarweb you fucking pussy.
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